Colonoscopy
......
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
.."I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would
happen."
..
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach ," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
.."I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
.."I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
.. "I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
..
The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work,,,
The asshole is usually in charge
Life Is a Gift
Today before you say an unkind word -
Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.
Today before you complain about life -
Think of someone who we nt too early to heaven.
Before you complain about your children -
Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep -
Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job -
Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -
Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one MAKER.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down -
Put a smile on your face and thank GOD you're alive and still around.
Forget Tupperware: Taser Parties Are the New Craze
GILBERT, Ariz. — Before she lets them shoot her little pink stun gun, Dana Shafman ushers her new friends to the living room sofa for a serious chat about the fears she believes they all share.
"The worst nightmare for me is, while I'm sleeping, someone coming in my home," Shafman says, drawing a few solemn nods from the gathered women. Shafman, 34, of Phoenix, says she knows how they feel. She says she used to stash knives under her pillow for protection. Welcome, she says, to the Taser party. On the coffee table, Shafman spreads out Taser's C2 "personal protector" weapons that the company is marketing to the public. It doesn't take long before the women are lined up in the hallway, whooping as they take turns blasting at a metallic target. "C'mon!" she says. "Give it a shot." Shafman isn't an employee for Scottsdale, Ariz.-based Taser International. She's an independent entrepreneur who's been selling Tasers the way her mother's generation sold plastic food storage containers. As a single woman who lives alone, Shafman says she's the perfect pitchwoman for Taser as it makes a renewed push to sell weapons to families. The company agrees. Taser officials like Shafman's homespun sales tactics so much that they plan to build a living room set at the International Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas and have Shafman hold a Taser party for buyers and dealers. The CES, which runs from Jan. 7-10, is the world's largest tech trade show. Taser doesn't expect its dealers to start imitating Shafman. But spokesman Steve Tuttle says company officials think people can learn from her approach. "When I talk about Taser, I come across as a salesman," Tuttle says. "When you see her it comes across as very real." Shafman, a freelance construction consultant, says she always had a natural interest in self defense products. She loved the idea of the Taser, which would allow her to stop an attacker from across the room without getting physical. She tried moonlighting as a door-to-door Taser saleswoman. But years of negative press about Taser made it tough. "I got tired of being pushed out of people's offices," she says. "Nobody wants to purchase a product that they think is lethal or going to kill somebody." A lot of people, especially women, need time to get comfortable with a unique product like Taser before they'll consider buying one, Shafman says. So the Taser party was born. Shafman says she's sold about 30 guns per month at $349.99 since her first Taser party on Oct. 15. She doesn't get a commission from Taser. Instead, Shafman says she gets a discounted dealer rate for the units and keeps the difference. Taser has been surging on Wall Street two years after the Securities and Exchange Commission concluded its investigation into the company's safety claims and business practices. Its stock more than doubled in 2007 from a low of $7.44 to a high in 2007 of $19.36 a share. Company officials say they're now selling Tasers in 43 countries and more than 12,500 police agencies in the U.S. are either using or testing their weapons. With its weapons dominant in law enforcement, Taser is turning its attention back to the civilian market. It launched the C2 in August. Though it packs the same electric punch, the C2 is smaller than the bulky personal stun guns Taser developed years ago, and its sleek exterior makes it look more like an electric razor than a weapon. They're legal in every state but New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Michigan, Wisconsin, Hawaii, and Washington D.C. Shafman says many of her women customers love that the C2 is small enough to fit in their purses, and that it comes in a variety of colors. When it comes to choosing weapons, she says, a lot of women want them in pink. "It's a girl power kind of thing," Shafman says. "You're kind of making a statement: I know I'm a woman. I know I'm the most sought after victim in regards to sexual assault, sexual abuse. So please stay away from me. If in the event you do come after me, I'm going to use my pink Taser to put you on the ground." Amnesty International, which has criticized Taser's assertion that its weapons are non-lethal, frowns on the C2 and any attempt to spread the use of stun guns. Officials with the human rights organization say the weapons are frequently used in excess by trained police, and they're likely to be abused by the public as well. Mona Cadena, Amnesty International's Western Regional director, says there are already reports of domestic violence using Tasers and other energy weapons. "Of course, we want to stop violence against women like Dana's saying," she says. "But we also want to ensure that Tasers don't end up causing it too." Shafman has a quick answer for Amnesty International. If she had a choice of getting shocked or being attacked with a knife, a gun or something else, "I'd much rather be assaulted by a Taser." And unlike other weapons, she says, Taser forces its customers to submit to a criminal background check before giving them a code to turn on their weapons. At the party in Gilbert, the shooting goes on into the night as everyone takes a shot. Lori Busken, 48, is the first in line. Busken, who is single, says she'd feel better carrying a Taser than a gun. She didn't buy a C2 right away, but she says she's planning to buy one soon. "It's not heavy," she says after holding the weapon in her hand. "It's great they make them for civilian use. You don't want to kill somebody. You just want to be safe, you know?"
The Fountain of Youth in St. Augustine, Florida. It was neat to see, but I personally thought it was a tourist trap.
CLICK ON THE PICTURES TO MAKE THEM BIGGER!!
My personal collection of beach and ocean pictures.
Click on the pictures to make them bigger!
The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, you see them and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,"Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases - each like a different type of tree.
In his twenties, he is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration!!!"
Sick Husband
| A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly...make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied. |
Wife has the last say...
| A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill" She ignores the remark. A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well. Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken." |
This is a picture of Dale Earnhardt's 1998 Daytona 500 car that is currently inside the Richard Childress Racing Museum.
This is a photo of the carving on Stone Mountain at Stone Mountain Park in Georgia.
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas.
They hired him because he was so funny.....
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
; On my breaks - yes!
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
Hi!
If you are a member of Weight Watchers, check out my website, please.
I put together a blog of my favorite Weight Watchers recipes with the POINTS Value.
Check'em out!
http://hubpages.com/hub/My_Favorite_Weight_Watchers_Recipes
http://www.dollarspace.net/signup/&friend=bgreen8
This is an AWESOME website! It is a social community website very similar to myspace.com, except you get paid!
What is DollarSpace?
DollarSpace is a social community that pays for setting up a profile with us. We also have a intergrated ad system that allows users to set AdSense, YPN, Adbrite, etc. on their personal profiles! We are the only social community that allows this. We also have a paid survey system which is great for earning easy money.
How do I earn points?
• Post a picture (1 point)
• Post a journal (1 point)
• Post a thread in the forum (1 point)
• Post a poll (1 point)
• Post a comment (1 point)
• Refer a friend (2 points)
Note: By NO means may you spam to gain points we strictly enforce this rule.
http://www.dollarspace.net/signup/&friend=bgreen8
How much money do you get for points?
• 50 Activity points = $0.25
• 25 Referrals = $1.00
• Referred Member Completed Survey = $0.05
• 1 Compeleted survey = $0.10 - $1.05
Is there any regulations for points?
Yes, of course:
1. Your referred friend must be active and contribute to the community.
2. You must post meaningful comments/posts, and be helpful to the other users.
3. No spamming. This means no messaging every user that signs up to gain posts. Or uploading mass pictures. I strongly monitor all activity so don't risk getting banned.
4. No porn ads. We want our site to remain work friendly so anyone can feel free to browse.
I'm ready to be paid now what should I do?
If you have reached $20.00 dollars total you may request to be paid.(This is may change at anytime). You may see your earning and activity points on the on your "My Account" page one you are logged in.
How does DollarSpace afford to pay it's members?
We are ad completely ad financed. This means we run ads on our site to allow us to pay our members.
http://www.dollarspace.net/signup/&friend=bgreen8